Growing up, I didn't have much time to be with my dad. He
used to work abroad and gets home twice every year just to be with us. The rest
were spent with my mom, grandma, and sister. So growing up really meant a
you're-so-near-yet-so-far type of father-and-son relationship.
I have a 4-year-old little brother. He’s really cute and he
loves to play cars and trucks. And Fruit Ninja. Every night after work, he’s
being cuddled by my dad. The thing I didn't experience when I was young. So
yeah, there’s a pang of jealousy every time I see them playing because I wasn't
treated that way.
There are instances when me and my dad argue. Due to
whatever small things growing into large ball of anger. But we always manage to
end the fight and keep everything cool. No grudge. No, not really.
But today was different.
We had a quick but agitated altercation. It started when I
overheard him planning to teach my little brother some shooting lessons the
time he grows up. Quite irritated, I confronted him and asked why he plans to
do that but he never thought of teaching me. I am 23. Then I started saying
things that are a bit hurtful but true. That I feel that his love for me isn't
enough. That I grew up without him and it hurts every time I see them being
fond with each other. That I was jealous. But I said it was OK. Just to
end the fight. I shut myself up lest he might say something I wouldn't
like. Then there was a breeze of relief for those are the things I had kept
inside for a very long time. And it all exploded just like that. But I don't
hate him. He's still my dad. Honestly, I don't feel sorry at all. It's just things are different now than they were
two decades ago.
There’s always a time when parents and their children grow
apart. Maybe things will stay this way as long as it can. That thick wall of
glass between us. And I’m OK with that.
I'd feel the same way if I see my little brother being treated better than I was treated when I was a child.
ReplyDeleteIt's just sad, reading this post.
But I commend you for still loving your Dad, and you got a very good point, no matter how you position the earth, reverse its rotation or whatever, he will still be your Dad.
Good luck bro and be happy always.
:)
Thank you! :)
DeleteThis post is just so sad to read. No matter what, just know that he will be your dad no matter how hard things get. Sometimes, parents can't be what they want to be, simply because maybe they love you so much they don't know the correct way to express this love. I'm glad you worked things out in the end.
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